fertility friend
The decision is a no-brainer of course.
I'm not going to renew my Fertility Friend VIP membership now, am I?
I have been popping in there every so often - I must admit - just to see where in my cycle I am. But otherwise, I have been actively avoiding it, and its sickening insipid pink and purple colour scheme.
Yes. Even the colours make me depressed.
They remind me.
This was my worst month there; the most obsessive. I was determined it would work that time. I even bought bulk opk's off the internet, and you can see the one sad little negative pregancy test there on 12dpo too.
I feel sorry for that Meg. Her hope just seems so pathetic.
And I don't mean pathetic like you-totally-suck pathetic. I mean like Pathos; like the real sense of the word.
What makes it so pathetic is the fact that she didn't know that none of it was going to work. She just woke up every morning and whacked that thermometer under her tongue, assuming it would work eventually, justifying the fact that it didn't.
She. She.
I just realised I am writing in the third person.
It really does seem like another life.
14 Comments:
I know that person. I used to see her too - looking at me innocently through the mirror. Naively expecting that this would be the last month she would need to buy sanitary protection. Who knew exactly when ovulation happened and excitedly phoned her husband to meet her at home for a quickie. She was young. She was charming. She was hopeful.
But she changed. She lost her light and was not quite so innocent anymore. She became confused, despondent, bitter. She started down a path of no return and obsession became her best friend.
Yes, I knew her too.
I definitely know her too... I feel very sorry for that Serenity who wasted so many months of hope.
*sigh*
Thanks for stopping by my blog.
Wow - I can definately relate. It's hard to hope and be positive time after time when it seems like there is no end in sight.
When we started IVF and I ended 3 freaking years of charting... or was it 5? :) It felt so great to be free of all the charts! Like a chart is going to help any of us get PG anyway, even they are for the fertiles! :)
Take care and all the best.
I did the temperature thing and my gynae ended up telling me it was a waste of time. I totally relate to the trying when you don't have all the facts.
I just gave away my"Taking charge of your fertility" book. I hope to give away my "Couples Guide to IVF" someday too.
Good for you! Free yourself from the ball and chain of charting which doesn't seem to work for most people anyways.
And if you have a copy of the book that Jenny mentioned above, don't throw it away, because then you will have nothing to bring to my "TCOYF" book burning party!
Ah, the TCOYF bible. I naively charted for less than a year, when I finally realized that the reversal didn't work, I never slept 3 hours in a row, I rarely got up the same time every day (because I sleep like such crap), so I had a worthwhile chart that actually gave useful information exactly... once.
Yes, the pre-bitter, pre-cynical, eye-fluttering days when we were too naive to even realize that Hope was smacking us in the head every chance she got. Yep, those were the days.
Me too. I also have a membership on the pink and purple good ship lollipop.
I wish there was a chart pattern that showed "sperm is shit" in the TCOYF bible.
I wish I had skipped that phase just for the sake of the time we lost thinking it could work the way nature intended.
I also wished I had slept in all those Sundays that I obsessively tempted at my usual workday hour.
Hmmm... I'm so glad I stuck by my "complementary" membership.
1) It doesn't have due dates.
2) It doesn't tell me when to bloody well HPT, right there on my chart. Like it knows better than my FS.
3) It doesn't tell me whether it thinks I'm in with a chance this month or not. Give me a break.
It does, however, still tell me that it can't be *certain* I ovulated on day X because I have failed to provide adequate temperature data for the days surrounding... as if all those blood tests and transvaginal ultrasounds of my ovaries don't trump the absolute shit out of a few basal body temp readings.
Do we need to request an infertile version of FF? What would that be like?
Isn't it weird how we can remove ourselves from our own shitful situations and actually feel sorry for that person? I know I do it all the time, I just can't relate to the Meri-ann who has been through the crap that she's been through.
Hope that you get you back!
Oh yeah. Don't remind me of TTC one year without doing a thing, only to move on to 6 months of temping in stead of seeking treatment. Pronto.
Ugh! I sucked at the temping thing. If I had known then what I know now I wouldn't have bothered.
Oh, I know. Ack. During these few months that I have been BACK to temping thanks to my RE's overly optimistic expectations for the Metformin, I have re-entered my FF page. All of the charts from a few years ago (all anovulatory save one) with their obsessively recorded information make me unbearably sad.
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