Sunday, June 04, 2006

where to start

What I know:

As I write this, I'm sitting in a cafe near my house. It is swarming with Sunday tourists, and I am sitting on the back deck, stealing someone's wireless.

I came here to do work. Of which I currently have a painful, ridiculous amount, being reporting time.

But when I logged on half an hour ago I saw that the school intranet was down. Which means I can't do any of the things I'd planned.

What a bummer.


So I walked back to my place and I scrambled through papers on my desk until I found my most recent letter to Rosie, which I started last November, and picked up periodically until February, just after we found out about the virtually-no-sperm scenario.

And then I walked back, intending to finish it.

Rosie was my housemate for about three months when I was twenty-two.

She was (is) British, and was doing her big Australia trip, working in bars while she saved to go to Thailand. (I say that with fondness, of course.)

And it was only for three months, but they were big ones. For us both, I think. My younger brother had just been diagnosed with schizophrenia; I moved out of my parent's house; I was single for the first time since adolescence. I was trying to make my own life, really. I talk a bit about it here.

So when she left, we promised to write. And for the most part we have.

Then, as I waited for my coffee just now, I picked up the letter to read over it.

Some excerpts:

#1 - It's been five cycles and nothing has happened yet.

#2 - No progress on the pregnancy front. This makes eight months - a bit worrying.

#3 - There is no point speculating. We will find out soon enough where things stand.

#4 - It is bad. Drastically.

The question is: Where do you go from here?

Where do you start to explain?

It's ok with people who knew all along, even when we were "trying". Updates aren't too hard to manage. They're small pieces: Well, we went to see Dr. Willy on Tuesday, and he said... and then I said...

It's the whole big emotional saga I find difficult.

Where do you start?

Really, guys.



At 11:18 PM, Blogger StellaNova said...

Maybe start a whole new letter.

But then again, what would I know! I haven't told many people at all and when (if) I do it will all be from the perspective of "in the beginning..." I really don't know how I'd do it.

If you want to share, perhaps just begin from now. How you are feeling about today and where you plan to go from here. A little information for context but avoiding the whole "emotional saga" if you don't want / need to relive that detail.

Hope the reports are over soon - I am one class down and have 4 more to write. I can't wait for the holidays.

At 1:29 AM, Blogger Bea said...

I really don't know how to do it.

But I think I know what you mean... it's like trying to explain the entire plotline for a TV series, instead of just discussing What Happened On Last Night's Episode. Ever try to do that? About 1/3 of the way through the season it starts sounding overblown and unbelievable and you wonder how it ever hooked you in.

Maybe that's what you could do. Rent (say) season six of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and summarise on your first page, making little critical comments as you go along. And then begin page two with "on a more personal note..."


At 2:04 AM, Blogger Sarah said...

I have difficulty explaining this in person to people who can see what we are going through. Can't imagine trying to write it all down in a letter. Good luck though.

At 6:05 AM, Blogger Em said...

Meg, I can't get over how beautifully you write.

At 6:35 AM, Blogger soralis said...

You write wonderfully I am sure something will come to you. Sorry I am no help!

Take care and hope you figure it out.

At 8:00 AM, Blogger Mary Ellen and Steve said...

My goodness. I wouldn't know where to start if we had to write our whole saga down. I agree with the others, you are a great writer. I am sure that you will come up with something. Sorry that I am no help.

At 6:53 AM, Blogger projgen said...

I can kinda relate. I thought recapping our experiences when I started my blog 6 months after we started would be easy. I'm really having trouble writing about the last little bit so far.

Good luck; it's a tough challenge.


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